Day #75: Zoo

July 30, 2011

Technically this was the last day of camp. But no one sees each other. Pretty much you wake up then just leave and if you happen to see friends in the lobby of your hall or outside you hug them fiercely then proceed to leave. I was already planning on going to the zoo in Salt Lake with my family on this day because I love that zoo more than the one in Seattle. But seeing as how much Emma and I were going to miss each other she came along with us because she conveniently lives in Utah. So the roommate shenanigans continued for just another day:')

I love elephants the most. And Emma the most. So this picture is extremely appropriate. 

-Kaylyn

Day #53: Last Day of Youth Conference

July 8, 2011

I took this picture on the ride home hehe. 

The last day wasn't too bad since I was still feeling better from having a good night the night before. We cleaned the camp faster than expected so we got extra free time {omg.} But I actually talked to some new people between the guitars and the ukes and our singing. Then we had testimony meeting, which I was the first girl to get up and like the 5th person. Whenever the Spirit wants me to do something He makes my heart pound so that I am so uncomfortable I have to do it just to relax hahha.  So I did. Then we all went home, and it was kinda weird. It was like two different days, because I got home at oneish and slept until about 5 or 6 (which is crazy). It was a little silly, and I don't know how I feel about it. Kind of like how I don't know how to feel about youth conference as a whole..on the one hand it made me more depressed than I've been since before school got out, and on the other hand I felt like I did the day before youth conference which was the day I felt more optimistic than I had since I can even remember. I think I'm just going to resort to not thinking about it.

-Kaylyn

Day #52: Day Two of Youth Conference

July 7, 2011

The second day of youth conference was a little bipolar. After lunch was a lot of free time again because we were supposed to do a service project, but a different stake that had had youth conference there had already done all the service that there was to be done. So a big group, pretty much everyone, walked down to the beach. So me and my one friend went. I took a bunch of pictures and she chased the waves. 

Then I was sitting on a piece of drift wood while she continued to chase the waves and just thought to myself. I watched everyone around in their cliques and  how I didn't fit into any of them. And I felt so alone. Because I couldn't just leave, we were like an hour away from home. And I had dropped my phone in the toilet that morning {the first time I'd ever done something like that!} so I couldn't text anyone, although there was really bad service there.. I hated being there and could not wait to go home. 

There are three things to my depression: being perfect, feeling in control, and everyone having a good opinion of me. So the fact that I had no one hit hard. And I felt worthless. 

So, the dance was the second day and I wasn't excited for it. But I was actually surprised that I had a lot of fun. The cliques really broke more since no one could really talk and you have to be outgoing and talk to new people for stuff like snowball dances and slow songs. I felt incredibly better, and normal. So even after the dance I was feeling outgoing enough to talk to the people in my cabin and such things. 

-Kaylyn

Day #50: Running

July 5, 2011

I decided to take up running in the morning. So I got new shoes and clothes and such things and set out early in the morning {I woke up and couldn't get back to sleep. Oh antidepressants, how counterproductive you are right now.} I think I ate too much breakfast, though, because I ran to a middle school that is about a mile away and got crazy side aches. Also, I haven't run in a long time, so two miles round trip is pushing it a little for me. But I got home and cooled off in the sun and it felt awesome. Then I was tired from waking up early and was able to nap for a half an hour. I slept for 3 hours the night before.  Ugh. It was the most optimistic day I've had in longer than I can remember. I just felt good when I woke up. It was nice.

-Kaylyn

Day #39: Hippies

June 24, 2011

My sister needed errands ran, and I needed driving hours {even though I'm already 16} so away we went a-venturing! Adventures with my sister are always the best. She wanted to go to the food co-op and I was excited, I really love that place. And it's a little far, so the drive was a good time. We got there and felt like the coolest kids getting organic and local food. Then we were comparing prices on honey, which was on the bottom few shelves. So we sat on the floor to find the best one, since it would take a bit of effort. In the words of my favorite movie, Up, "Take a bath, hippie!"

We felt like true Northwest Washingtoners.

-Kaylyn

Day #21: Cake

June 6, 2011

 So, this kid gave my friend a giant cake for his birthday. Which was in March or something. And we were all eating lunch outside since the sun was shining. So we got a bajillion forks from the cafeteria and devoured it shamelessly. 

This is my theory of cake: 

So, my theory {which has pretty much been proven true on many accounts} is that cake and soup can cure any sadness. Any sadness that cake cannot cure soup can cure and vice versa. Break up sadness: cake. Plans ruined by bad weather sadness: soup. Dead pet sadness: soup. Left out of weekend plans: cake. Therefore, cake and soup are magical items of consumption.


-Kaylyn

Day #20: Personal Revelation

June 5, 2011

"I was reading my patriarchal blessing. I read this sentence and was crying before I had even finished reading the sentence. "They will learn to love you for what you are". They will learn. So they really don't already know. But there is still some how hope. And it says what not who. That means being so in love with the Gospel. Being of such high standards. Being different. Dressing different. Acting different. Being silly. They will learn to love me what what I am. It still is making me cry. This sentence wasn't in there before. I have never read it there ever before. I have read my patriarchal blessing tons of times, but I have never read this sentence. Exactly what I needed. Exactly. Perfect wording." - May 8, 2010

-Kaylyn

Day #18: Fransisco

June 3, 2011

A much needed girls night which consisted of each of us telling our absolutely biggest secrets. It was grand. I haven't had a conversation with anyone that truly meant anything in months. I have people who understand me. I have friends. During the night amid secrets, card games about marriage, and junk food a gummy bear was dropped on the frame of my bed and landed perfectly comically. I named him Fransisco because I name almost everything Fransisco because of the movie Elf:) He was a great reminder of even through the seriousness and sadness of the night what a good thing it all was. 

-Kaylyn

Day #17: Algebra Quiz

June 2, 2011

I finally took the algebra quiz that I was avoiding last week..well..I was mostly avoiding the quiz. Anyways. I felt really good about it after taking it even though I had been almost completely unprepared! Whoo! Pretty much the highlight of my day considering how much stress algebra 2 causes me. 

-Kaylyn 

Day #10: Young Women's Leader

May 26, 2011

Today was another half day, and I convinced my mom to let me stay home and only go to seminary {I'm LDS} because I was completely unprepared for an algebra 2 quiz that I had today. But..I just came home and slept instead. Then my mom and I went to run errands and I took a bunch of pictures on my new Holga camera and filled up my first roll of film!

So, anyways, I was on the computer and in comes one of my Young Women's leaders from church with whom I forgot I had a date with today. So I became excited and we went and got gelato, then walked around the little hipster village we call home, then to the book store. It was a grand old time looking at all the silly books, the pictures, and especially the kids books. There was also this giant thing of magnets with "Yay! ________!" on them. It was a grand old time rearranging the funny ones next to each other like "Yay! Zombies!" and "Yay! Life!" 

Yay! Friends!

-Kaylyn

Day #1: Savory Sixteen

May 17, 2011

I realized a few weeks ago that I'm just not a very enthusiastic person. I don't have much school spirit, or Christmas spirit, I'm not excited for all of the invitations and things that go with graduation, I'm going to have a pretty low-key wedding; I just don't have much enthusiasm. I don't really find this worrisome, though, more practical or rational I guess. I kind of just find simple things fulfilling enough.

My sixteenth birthday really isn't all that sweet. I'm not having a party because Chitty Chitty Bang Bang opens this week so we have crazy rehearsals. I wouldn't have a party regardless, though. It just sounds complicated to arrange and then awkward thinking about who I would possibly invite and how it would be quite the motley party. I've been saying that rehearsal is my birthday party, and it really is.

Sixteen just doesn't feel like that big of a deal to me. Everyone keeps saying, "Oh, sweet sixteen!" And I can't help but thinking no.. not quite sweet. More like savory sixteen. I just don't see it as that big of a deal, I mean, I'm not even getting my license. I only have about 20 hours. I'm not too fond of driving, though I would like to get getting my license out of the way. I'm just moving from fifteen to sixteen. It feels as natural as can be, yet everyone seems to be fussing over me about it, and it feels a little strange.

I always have to seem bad birthdays anyhow. They just never seem to live up to what I want them to be, even though it seems like I don't expect much. The little things that I do expect, or hope for, or count on or whatever I guess just don't seem to work out the way I would like them to. Or it doesn't seem magical enough. I'm the kind of person who would want a surprise balloon and hugs all day and that would be a splendid birthday. And to be happy. Perhaps that is why birthdays are always disappointing to me; because they're the one day I can hope that I will, or maybe can, be perfectly happy.

Well, anyways, I read Water for Elephants recently which revived my love for elephants. And I was shopping for my birthday clothes at Buffalo Exchange and found this amazing bright sunshiny yellow retro early 60s dress. Upon closer inspection {after what I'm sure was a squeal of delight, if not it inevitably came after my next discovery} I found that the buckle on the top was nothing other than, an elephant. Nothing could be better, especially for a birthday dress. This is the relevance for the picture on this post.

This birthday is actually turning out to be quite good, even though it's a bit all over the place. A surprise sunny day, elephants, rehearsal, red velvet cake. Who cares if I don't have a party or my license or anything "sweet"? Savory is good enough for me. 

Happy birthday to me.

-Kaylyn