Day #10: Young Women's Leader

May 26, 2011

Today was another half day, and I convinced my mom to let me stay home and only go to seminary {I'm LDS} because I was completely unprepared for an algebra 2 quiz that I had today. But..I just came home and slept instead. Then my mom and I went to run errands and I took a bunch of pictures on my new Holga camera and filled up my first roll of film!

So, anyways, I was on the computer and in comes one of my Young Women's leaders from church with whom I forgot I had a date with today. So I became excited and we went and got gelato, then walked around the little hipster village we call home, then to the book store. It was a grand old time looking at all the silly books, the pictures, and especially the kids books. There was also this giant thing of magnets with "Yay! ________!" on them. It was a grand old time rearranging the funny ones next to each other like "Yay! Zombies!" and "Yay! Life!" 

Yay! Friends!

-Kaylyn

Day #9: Sleep

May 25, 2011

Also not a stellar day. But it was at least a half day. I came home, slept, slept, watched Hello Dolly, and then avoided how unprepared I was for my algebra 2 quiz from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang all last week. {I have this quote and these comics above my bed.}

So some of my Chitty friends were talking about dreams and how to be able to realize you are dreaming so you can control your dream. They said that if you see a sign, memorize what it says, look away, and if you look back and one of the letters is different then you're dreaming. Well, that kinda happened while I was sleeping, I had already kind of realized I was dreaming when I saw a sign, looked away, looked back and it wasn't there. Then I thought to myself, "I already know I'm dreaming.." Then I did a bunch of cool stuff, which doesn't last very long for me until I'm too awake for it to work anymore. I can tell I'm waking up too much when people start becoming too short or too tall or proportions are screwy without me being able to fix them. And when I stop being able to really see faces and I can't feel it when someone touches me or I touch someone else. 

It was fun being able to do anything, though. In a way I was still dreaming because it wasn't until a few hours later that I was like, "Hey! My friends were right!" Then it was super weird, like those dreams that are so real you wake up and things just feel awkward for the rest of the day. 

-Kaylyn

Day #8: Bad Day

 May 24, 2011

I was just trying to apologize..

-Kaylyn

Day #7: Opera Ghost

May 23, 2011

During our first dress rehearsal last week at the theater where we would actually be performing Chitty Chitty Bang Bang one of my friends walked up to me and handed me this blue balloon. He said that he had watched it float down from the ceiling and down the aisle where he grabbed it and brought it to me saying that it was trying to find me. Clearly the Opera Ghost brought it to me. I named him Balloony. He stayed at my mirror until closing night when we were cleaning up. I popped him on closing night {he had already been hanging limply from his string for a couple days} on account of the show closing. It was a sad occasion, but it had to be done.

I woke up this morning feeling like a deflated balloon. I hate the day after closing night the most.

-Kaylyn

Day #6: Chitty Chitty Bang Bang

May 22, 2011

Closing night of Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. This is us dancers getting ready for our Bombi Samba. It consisted of backless dresses and red glittery lips. I wouldn't tolerate anyone using the word 'last' the whole day. It's too sad. I can be sad once I get home, but during the performance and party is no place for sadness!


-Kaylyn

Day #5: Flowers

May 21, 2011

Second night of Chitty Chitty Bang Bang! My mom forgot to get me flowers for opening night, so she brought them on the second night. Also, all my theater friends from school brought me flowers. It's the most flowers I've ever gotten before. And they all are color coordinated by coincidence {Truly Scrumptious..}

-Kaylyn

Day #4: Pickles

 May 20, 2011

Opening night of Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. This means my lucky duck, Pickles, was to make his first appearance to my new friends. Every show I'm always excited to introduce Pickles to my cast friends. Chitty Chitty Bang Bang is my first community theater, and we're performing on the biggest stage in our city. I'm one  of the dancers so I get to be in Toot Sweets, Me Ol' Bamboo {even though I'm a girl!}, and The Bombi Samba which is special to the stage show. That's my Me Ol' Bamboo hat behind pickles. The dressing room at this theater is so big, it makes me dread going back to our closet sized one at school.

Pickles the duck isn't exactly a duck. He's a cat duck. He has whiskers, you see. You can see them if you look closely enough at this picture. I got Pickles in middle school at a parade the band played in during the course of our school musical, which was Fiddler on the Roof. I won him in one of those games that is impossible to lose at. I was fascinated with the cheapness of him that he had threads poking out of his face when I realized that he wasn't even a duck at all! And more importantly, that he was completely one of a kind.

I became attached to the little duck, and very protective. He went to each of our shows performances with me and became a little infamous within my cast friends. Pickles has been with me through each and every show performance since. Fiddler on the Roof, High School Musical {ugh.}, Oliver!, Beauty and the Beast, and now Chitty Chitty Bang Bang.

As you may know, theater folk are very superstitious. I do most of the superstitions out of fun, like the penny in the shoe, pinky break a leg kisses before shows, not saying the name of a particular Shakespearean play, and so on. But Pickles is the one thing that I am serious about, probably because he has so much sentimental value to me. I cannot forget him or I expect I would be too nervous about the show to even function {I assume because it's never happened. There have been some scares, but it's never truly happened.} I don't know how long I'll have Pickles until he is lost, damaged, or simply forgotten, but I know it will be a sad day for me whenever he ceases to be a part of my performance routine. I know it will inevitably happen, but I still picture my adult theater career with Pickles beside me as my best superstitious quirk.

-Kaylyn

Day #3: The Sun

May 19, 2011

My sister and I do this thing for our birth week. Since her birthday usually fell during spring break she would say it was Andrea Gras, like Mardi Gras, and it was a week long celebration of Andrea. As I have mentioned before, I always seem to have terrible birthdays, and the first few days of Kaylyn Gras were no different. But on the day of my actual birthday I woke up to find the sun shining unbelievably cloudlessly. Which was a surprise because we'd had a little sun the week before and everyone said this week would be less sunny, which I didn't mind and kind of expected rather than sun. And the rest of this week has been just as sunny and beautifully warm. But on the day of my birthday I felt like the sun was defying expectations and it was a little personal hats off from Heavenly Father telling me to have a happy birthday, and that He was there.

-Kaylyn

Day #2: Pudge

 May 18, 2011

While planning this post I was debating the controversial amount of personal information I was planning on putting in it. And I decided {although I never really had to debate it} that I don't mind the personal information. Isn't that what this project is for? Besides, I'm not ashamed of the things I will say over the year about myself that people would view as personal. The only doubt I have about writing them is that people may find it awkward to read or be around me after "admitting" to things. But honestly, I don't see the trouble with it at all, anyways. So I decided upon a disclaimer.

So, I bought a new fish. The first fish I bought was also a male Betta, but he was redder with periwinkle freckles and didn't have a crown tail like this one. I decided to buy him because I was going to start seeing a therapist for my depression which made me think of the movie What About Bob? which is a grand old time with Bill Murray. In it the character Bill Murray plays a man who is a severe hypochondriac. His only buddy is a goldfish named Gill because human friends are usually annoyed by how silly he is. So I decided I should have a fish and name it Gill in honor of my baby steps to recovery {reference joke}.

Gill, however only lived a short 13 days. I loved that little fish more than is probably healthy. He was extremely hyperactive, and developed a rip in his tail and soon after clamped his fins shut until the day he died, which is a bad sign. I did all of the research I possibly could for him and tried ever so hard to keep him alive. I was always extremely worried about him and could sense something was wrong, and every moment was worried that I was killing him {I drove my family insane with my worries about Gill}. When I came home to see he had ripped his tail fin I cried uncontrollably while researching frantically what could have gone wrong and how I could help him and what I had done to cause it. I thought it was fin rot, but then decided that it wasn't and he must have ripped it on a plastic plant in his tank.

You see, to me Gill meant recovery. And he loved me unconditionally. The fact that I was killing him killed me. That I couldn't even take care of a fish, the only thing that I felt like loved me no matter what, and would never be disappointed in me or mad at me or hate me. I was devastated when his fin ripped and did everything I could think of. Complete water changes, special food, extra attention, calmer water; I could not handle that fish dying so soon.

Alas, Gill died before the two week warranty from Pet Smart was up, meaning he probably wasn't at full health when I got him. I cried less when he died, probably because I had let all my sadness out on his fin rip. I buried him and had my sister and nephew help me, because I couldn't possibly take care of that dead fish, not Gill.

I finally got a chance between school, homework, naps, and Chitty Chitty Bang Bang rehearsals to get a new fish. I named him Pudge after the fish in Lilo and Stitch, which by the way is my favorite movie. I love him so much, but am now able to let myself be less paranoid about his health. Pudge is quite the beauty, and his crown tail is lovely. He's a bit more skittish than Gill was, but he's just getting used to his new home. He's a light lavender color and has black spots on his head and upper body. May Pudge live a long and beautiful life.

Hula Teacher: Lilo, why are you all wet?

Lilo: It's sandwich day. Every Thursday I take Pudge the fish a peanut butter sandwich...

Hula Teacher: "Pudge" is a.. fish?

Lilo: And today we were out of peanut butter. So I asked my sister what to give him, and she said "a tuna sandwich". I can't give Pudge tuna!

[whispering]

Lilo: Do you know what tuna is?

Hula Teacher: ..Fish?

Lilo: [Hysterical] It's fish! If I give Pudge tuna, I'd be an abomination! I'm late because I had to go to the store and get peanut butter 'cause all we have is... is... stinkin' tuna!

Hula Teacher: Lilo, Lilo, why is this so important to you?

Lilo: [Calm] Pudge controls the weather.

-Kaylyn

Day #1: Savory Sixteen

May 17, 2011

I realized a few weeks ago that I'm just not a very enthusiastic person. I don't have much school spirit, or Christmas spirit, I'm not excited for all of the invitations and things that go with graduation, I'm going to have a pretty low-key wedding; I just don't have much enthusiasm. I don't really find this worrisome, though, more practical or rational I guess. I kind of just find simple things fulfilling enough.

My sixteenth birthday really isn't all that sweet. I'm not having a party because Chitty Chitty Bang Bang opens this week so we have crazy rehearsals. I wouldn't have a party regardless, though. It just sounds complicated to arrange and then awkward thinking about who I would possibly invite and how it would be quite the motley party. I've been saying that rehearsal is my birthday party, and it really is.

Sixteen just doesn't feel like that big of a deal to me. Everyone keeps saying, "Oh, sweet sixteen!" And I can't help but thinking no.. not quite sweet. More like savory sixteen. I just don't see it as that big of a deal, I mean, I'm not even getting my license. I only have about 20 hours. I'm not too fond of driving, though I would like to get getting my license out of the way. I'm just moving from fifteen to sixteen. It feels as natural as can be, yet everyone seems to be fussing over me about it, and it feels a little strange.

I always have to seem bad birthdays anyhow. They just never seem to live up to what I want them to be, even though it seems like I don't expect much. The little things that I do expect, or hope for, or count on or whatever I guess just don't seem to work out the way I would like them to. Or it doesn't seem magical enough. I'm the kind of person who would want a surprise balloon and hugs all day and that would be a splendid birthday. And to be happy. Perhaps that is why birthdays are always disappointing to me; because they're the one day I can hope that I will, or maybe can, be perfectly happy.

Well, anyways, I read Water for Elephants recently which revived my love for elephants. And I was shopping for my birthday clothes at Buffalo Exchange and found this amazing bright sunshiny yellow retro early 60s dress. Upon closer inspection {after what I'm sure was a squeal of delight, if not it inevitably came after my next discovery} I found that the buckle on the top was nothing other than, an elephant. Nothing could be better, especially for a birthday dress. This is the relevance for the picture on this post.

This birthday is actually turning out to be quite good, even though it's a bit all over the place. A surprise sunny day, elephants, rehearsal, red velvet cake. Who cares if I don't have a party or my license or anything "sweet"? Savory is good enough for me. 

Happy birthday to me.

-Kaylyn