Day #58: Coming Home

July 13, 2011

It was finally sunny on the day we were coming home. Of course hahha. Ten hours home. On the way back we stopped at the Tillamook factory and I got some of this awesome sweet pineapple mustard for my family and my friend got fudge. It was a grand old time. 

-Kaylyn

Day #57: Last Day in Oregon

July 12, 2011

Last full day in Oregon and it was rainy and poopy almost all day. The sun was out for a little bit and we went down to the beach. We got delicious fudge and Thai food which annoying people in the restaurant. Funny story, though: So there's this big group in the Thai restaurant and it's mostly girls and one guy. We're sitting and eating all pissy because they're annoying and we hear a gay guy's voice and we're kinda like, oh, that makes sense, a bunch of girls and their gay friend. We all get up to pay at the same time and it turns out that the gay guy voice is actually a butch girl. It was kind of hilarious. 

-Kaylyn 

Day #56: Sand Couch

July 11, 2011

Second day in Oregon! We woke up to realize that it was not sunshiny and happy like the first day, and was cloudy. Sad. We walked to this little coffee shop, then a bakery for breakfast. Then we went to the local strip mall where I managed to get a pair of pants that were originally $60 for $12, and a scarf that was $40 for $5 at Hollister. Holy crap. Then we went back to the hotel and finished watching a movie we had started the night before but I had fallen asleep during. Then we noticed it had gotten sunny and promptly proceeded to walk the beach where we found a giant hole people had dug earlier. So I made a sand fortress and my friend made a couch. My fortress didn't turn out so hot because the sand wasn't quite wet enough..but oh well. The couch turned our really cool. This lady walked over to us and started talking to us then her 4 year old daughter came bouncing over and plopped down on the couch and sat her two naked Barbies next to her. It was adorable.  Then she donned my fortress with a feather on the tallest tower which really made it so much more epic.Then we went back to the hotel and played Mario Kart Wii and watched more movies hahha.

-Kaylyn

Day #55: Kitty

July 10, 2011

First day in Oregon. We drove for like 10 hours. Oh my goodness. First thing we did was walk the beach. Then we walked to this adorable local pizza shop that everyone writes on the walls of. On the way back to the hotel we saw this cat and decided that she would be ours then proceeded to pet her for the next 15 minutes. She was a lovely cat, and I miss her dearly. 

-Kaylyn

Day #54: Busy

July 9, 2011

 Whoo, so busy. I left for the Oregon coast on vacation with my friend and her grandparents on Sunday, so we thought it would just be easier if I stayed the night Saturday night. So I washed my clothes and packed up again to leave. I keep all my bathroom things in this bag which makes me feel awesome to say the least. My friend senior willed it to me last year. Good times.

-Kaylyn

Day #53: Last Day of Youth Conference

July 8, 2011

I took this picture on the ride home hehe. 

The last day wasn't too bad since I was still feeling better from having a good night the night before. We cleaned the camp faster than expected so we got extra free time {omg.} But I actually talked to some new people between the guitars and the ukes and our singing. Then we had testimony meeting, which I was the first girl to get up and like the 5th person. Whenever the Spirit wants me to do something He makes my heart pound so that I am so uncomfortable I have to do it just to relax hahha.  So I did. Then we all went home, and it was kinda weird. It was like two different days, because I got home at oneish and slept until about 5 or 6 (which is crazy). It was a little silly, and I don't know how I feel about it. Kind of like how I don't know how to feel about youth conference as a whole..on the one hand it made me more depressed than I've been since before school got out, and on the other hand I felt like I did the day before youth conference which was the day I felt more optimistic than I had since I can even remember. I think I'm just going to resort to not thinking about it.

-Kaylyn

Day #52: Day Two of Youth Conference

July 7, 2011

The second day of youth conference was a little bipolar. After lunch was a lot of free time again because we were supposed to do a service project, but a different stake that had had youth conference there had already done all the service that there was to be done. So a big group, pretty much everyone, walked down to the beach. So me and my one friend went. I took a bunch of pictures and she chased the waves. 

Then I was sitting on a piece of drift wood while she continued to chase the waves and just thought to myself. I watched everyone around in their cliques and  how I didn't fit into any of them. And I felt so alone. Because I couldn't just leave, we were like an hour away from home. And I had dropped my phone in the toilet that morning {the first time I'd ever done something like that!} so I couldn't text anyone, although there was really bad service there.. I hated being there and could not wait to go home. 

There are three things to my depression: being perfect, feeling in control, and everyone having a good opinion of me. So the fact that I had no one hit hard. And I felt worthless. 

So, the dance was the second day and I wasn't excited for it. But I was actually surprised that I had a lot of fun. The cliques really broke more since no one could really talk and you have to be outgoing and talk to new people for stuff like snowball dances and slow songs. I felt incredibly better, and normal. So even after the dance I was feeling outgoing enough to talk to the people in my cabin and such things. 

-Kaylyn

Day #51: Youth Conference

July 6, 2011

My July is crazy. I have youth conference, am home for one day, then I leave to the Oregon coast with my friend, then am home for a day after that, then leave for two weeks to do Crazy For You at BYU. So, let the craziness begin. 

First day of youth conference we went on this hike. And I'm on the youth committee {although I hate it. It makes me feel terrible about myself and adds more pressure to be perfect, which I don't need and won't go into depth about right now} so when the idea for hiking on the first day of youth conference came up I was like yeah, that sounds like a good idea. Then upon starting the hike I realized I'm more of a nature walker than a hiker considering that hike kicked my butt and every other kickable part of me. 

The top had a great view, and we all ate our lunch sitting up there, even though it was only like 10:30, which I don't think many people realized, but oh well. 

The rest of the first day of youth conference: sucked. We had a lot of free time, like, a lot. And I realized quickly that I didn't have any friends. My subconscious naively assumed that when I was on antidepressants I would have friends. That was silly.  Also, being around someone who makes me feel less than stellar about myself for the first time since school ended wasn't fun. And I forgot how much all of that sucked. Me and this other girl in a pretty similar boat hung out the whole time. We literally were lying on my bed talking almost the entire day. I had one other friend I could hang out with in the whole camp who was in my group or family or whatever, so I talked to him and sat next to him when we did things in our families. 

I wanted to go home so badly. All I could think about all day was going home and sleeping. 

-Kaylyn

Day #50: Running

July 5, 2011

I decided to take up running in the morning. So I got new shoes and clothes and such things and set out early in the morning {I woke up and couldn't get back to sleep. Oh antidepressants, how counterproductive you are right now.} I think I ate too much breakfast, though, because I ran to a middle school that is about a mile away and got crazy side aches. Also, I haven't run in a long time, so two miles round trip is pushing it a little for me. But I got home and cooled off in the sun and it felt awesome. Then I was tired from waking up early and was able to nap for a half an hour. I slept for 3 hours the night before.  Ugh. It was the most optimistic day I've had in longer than I can remember. I just felt good when I woke up. It was nice.

-Kaylyn

Day #49: Benadryl

July 4, 2011

For the Fourth of July we got KFC (I made a salad to bring since I don't fancy meat) and went to a park with the whole family and ate then hiked a little bit, then played pooh sticks at the bridge. Well, we went later in the day so that it wouldn't be as crowded and there are tall trees around which create a lot of shade. So the mosquitoes where out.  And I am crazy allergic to them. One bit me on the back of my arm and it swelled to this huge hive like normal, and my sister had Benadryl in her purse because my nephew has really bad allergies and asked if I wanted some. So I said yes, even though it was kids and cherry flavor (which actually was awesome). It worked like a charm, but made me super sleepy. When we got home I actually napped for a half an hour which is huge because I still couldn't sleep at all from my antidepressants. 

Also, I put bandaids on my bug bites..I always have, and I didn't know it was unusual until, like, last year. 

-Kaylyn

Day #48: Painting in the Sun

July 3, 2011

I came home from church and decided to paint outside on my back porch in the sun. I've been experimenting with a new painting style, which are the larger pieces. I use more painting and don't use any pen to outline and have lyrics that have been inspiring to me on them. A few of them have people, as well, which I don't even paint those parts. Then I did a smaller sketch which is more like the ones I usually do. 

-Kaylyn

Day #47: Crazy For You

July 2, 2011

I'm going to be doing the show Crazy For You at BYU later this month and I am so excited! The information for it finally came so I have been reading over it and rehearsing my monologue and audition song like crazy. And listening to the Broadway recording of the CD which I bought when I first paid for the camp because there aren't any full recordings of it, so I thought I'd at least prepare myself by knowing the music ahead of time. I get to learn how to tap dance!!

-Kaylyn 

Day #46: Finding Nemo

July 1, 2011

I had some of my Beauty and the Beast friends over to watch Finding Nemo. It was a grand time. Afterwards we threw that rainbow ball in the background around which was actually hilarious fun, then we went to someone else's house and played night volleyball, swung on their swing set, and made a few calls. 

 -Kaylyn

Day #45: Train Penny

June 30, 2011

Today I went adventuring at the town I  have mentioned before that is my favorite. We went to the park and the boardwalk there and walked along the train tracks. We heard a train coming so we put out pennies on the tracks. The train was rather long, though, which we didn't anticipate and had to wait a while to look for the pennies. Train pennies are the most fun. 

-Kaylyn

Day #44: Bad Sleep

June 29, 2011

I really need to get in the habit of taking pictures of the highlights of my day, rather than just the random parts..Anyways, I hung out with my Chitty Chitty Bang Bang friends and watched a movie with them. But, I didn't get any pictures of that, so once again I will talk about something else! 

I have been getting really bad sleep lately, and my sister thinks it's because of the new antidepressants my doctor has my trying. I can't sleep at night and just lie awake tired until 2 AM. So usually I get up and do stuff like paint, or read, or just stay up watching TV or something stupid because I won't be able to sleep anyways, so I might as well be doing something. Then I sleep in until 12 because I finally get to sleep and my body won't get up. But I'm tired all the time. That isn't so unusual, but I tried napping the other day and tried for like an hour but couldn't. That is unusual. Normally I'm tired all the time and can fall asleep on command after about 15 minutes. Maybe if it is a side effect it will become less prevalent once the medication starts working.

The weirdest thing, though, is when I got up the day before I was really disoriented and off balance. Which is probably from the lack of sleep, but I really couldn't balance just standing up. It was weird. 

-Kaylyn

Day #43: Chocolate

June 28, 2011

Today I had sushi with my friends for lunch then went out adventuring and gathering job applications, but I didn't get any pictures of any of that. So I'll talk about chocolate. A few weeks ago my mom was talking about this book she read a long time ago that had research that answered the question why women need chocolate. It has the right amount of sugar and fat to increase your mood and relax you or something along those lines. It's just that most women go over board and eat too much hahha. You only need about two Hershey's kisses worth during that 3 o'clock slump. So I asked my mom if I promised to only eat that much if she would buy me a Lindt chocolate (which is the best) supply. And she did! I'm getting to the end of my stash, though..

-Kaylyn

Day #42: Batman

June 27, 2011

Not only do I love Batman with an undying passion, I am Batman. So I found Batman temporary tattoos at Walmart and just about died. I promptly bought them and shared with my friends. I feel super awesome sporting the superest super hero on my forearm. 

-Kaylyn

Day #41: Journal

June 26, 2011

So for a while I'd been rereading through all of my old journals. I've kept the ones from middle school and on. I knew that I would want to type them some day, then one day I decided that I should just start right then and reread them as I type them out. So I had to start over again, which was a little tedious, because the sort of things middle schoolers write in their journal is exhausting to read. But I finally finished typing the first one! After about 10 hours, and a few months. I like to put nice little things in the front cover of my journals, this one is a fortune I got that says 'You're clever mind will lead you to many rewards.'

-Kaylyn

Day #40: Efficiency

June 25, 2011

My day: shower, read, chores, pictures, washed all my sheets (there are a lot of sheets in my room), washed all my clothes (3 loads), cleaned my room, and organized my recycling.  I cleaned. A lot. Enough that my picture of the day was taken with my phone while I was lying on my bed exhausted. It felt like an incredibly successful day, though. 

-Kaylyn