July 6, 2011
My July is crazy. I have youth conference, am home for one day, then I leave to the Oregon coast with my friend, then am home for a day after that, then leave for two weeks to do Crazy For You at BYU. So, let the craziness begin.
First day of youth conference we went on this hike. And I'm on the youth committee {although I hate it. It makes me feel terrible about myself and adds more pressure to be perfect, which I don't need and won't go into depth about right now} so when the idea for hiking on the first day of youth conference came up I was like yeah, that sounds like a good idea. Then upon starting the hike I realized I'm more of a nature walker than a hiker considering that hike kicked my butt and every other kickable part of me.
The top had a great view, and we all ate our lunch sitting up there, even though it was only like 10:30, which I don't think many people realized, but oh well.
The rest of the first day of youth conference: sucked. We had a lot of free time, like, a lot. And I realized quickly that I didn't have any friends. My subconscious naively assumed that when I was on antidepressants I would have friends. That was silly. Also, being around someone who makes me feel less than stellar about myself for the first time since school ended wasn't fun. And I forgot how much all of that sucked. Me and this other girl in a pretty similar boat hung out the whole time. We literally were lying on my bed talking almost the entire day. I had one other friend I could hang out with in the whole camp who was in my group or family or whatever, so I talked to him and sat next to him when we did things in our families.
I wanted to go home so badly. All I could think about all day was going home and sleeping.
-Kaylyn
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