July 7, 2011
The second day of youth conference was a little bipolar. After lunch was a lot of free time again because we were supposed to do a service project, but a different stake that had had youth conference there had already done all the service that there was to be done. So a big group, pretty much everyone, walked down to the beach. So me and my one friend went. I took a bunch of pictures and she chased the waves.
Then I was sitting on a piece of drift wood while she continued to chase the waves and just thought to myself. I watched everyone around in their cliques and how I didn't fit into any of them. And I felt so alone. Because I couldn't just leave, we were like an hour away from home. And I had dropped my phone in the toilet that morning {the first time I'd ever done something like that!} so I couldn't text anyone, although there was really bad service there.. I hated being there and could not wait to go home.
There are three things to my depression: being perfect, feeling in control, and everyone having a good opinion of me. So the fact that I had no one hit hard. And I felt worthless.
So, the dance was the second day and I wasn't excited for it. But I was actually surprised that I had a lot of fun. The cliques really broke more since no one could really talk and you have to be outgoing and talk to new people for stuff like snowball dances and slow songs. I felt incredibly better, and normal. So even after the dance I was feeling outgoing enough to talk to the people in my cabin and such things.
-Kaylyn
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